theuntoldstory | Fic: Need The Darkness (Numb3rs, Don/OFC, PG)

Title: Need The Darkness
Fandom: Numb3rs (part of the Chaos Theory universe)
Pairing: Don/Abi (OFC)
Rating: PG
Disclaimers: It's fiction kids. I don't own the lovely Mr. Eppes, and wisteria_blu graciously allows me to borrow Abi.
Summary: The aftermath of a job gone sour - wherein Don is feeling a little less than capable with his words.
Author's Note: Written for the lovely wisteria_blu who gave me the prompt: "I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness." I need this." From Natalie Merchant's My Skin.

Don was standing in the kitchen, waiting on coffee to percolate, watching as Georgia stared out the window onto a courtyard. Abi sat at the table beside her, the redhead’s fingertips barely touching Georgia’s hand, trying to soothe her. There was so much silence around them that Don was sure he was going to go quietly insane. It had been four days and things weren’t getting any easier, for any of them.

He sighed, setting his empty mug on the table and pushing off the counter, heading down the hallway to the master bedroom. Work was the only escape he had at the moment, the only time he didn’t have to see the strain of worry on Abi’s face, the desolation of loss on Georgia’s, the hollow ache in Charlie’s voice every time he’d call because Georgia wouldn’t pick up her phone. Instead, he saw an empty desk and the concern on his team’s faces and really, he guessed work wasn’t that much of an escape.

“Maybe you should take some time off?” Abi said from behind him as he slid his weapon into its holster, strapping it around his shoulder. He shook his head, setting his boot up onto the trunk at the end of the bed to finish tightening the laces.

“What good would that do anybody?” He replied, standing to face her once he’d finished. “They’re still out there, biding their time and they want to make a deal so they’re gonna hit again. And it’s not like you need me here… I think the last thing Georgia needs is me hanging around.”

“What Georgia needs is people around her who care about her, Don.” Abi frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. “And I need you. I can’t do this by myself, carry this burden, it’s…” Tears welled in her eyes and he stepped forward, skimming his palms along the tight carriage of her arms to pull them free. “It’s too much…”

Don cupped her face in his hand, pulling her gently against him to rest her cheek against his chest. “Hey, now… come on, Abi. You can’t keep blaming yourself for all of this.” She shook her head and he squeezed her tighter. “And you can’t lie to me either. I know you do; I can see it every time you look at her face. Like somehow that attack was your fault and it wasn’t, you hear me?”

Her fingers clenched in the black cotton of his t-shirt as she cried and Don’s eyes closed tight. He always wanted to be able to say the right thing, prided himself on being able to comfort people when they needed it – it was part of his job, agent-in-charge, the guy who takes the fall and makes the hard calls and tells families they’ll never see their loved ones again and that they’ll bring them whatever justice the law allows. A part of him needed that responsibility, needed to be needed in moments like that because he was the one who could do something to ease their pain.

At the moment, though, he was lost, struggling to understand Abi’s sense of responsibility for Georgia’s loss and what he could do to make that better. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, cupping her shoulders in his hands before sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling her to stand between his knees. “Look… I,” he shook his head, sighing softly in resignation. “I don’t know how to tell you that this isn’t your fault, not in a way that you’ll believe or find comfort in, but if you’re going to carry that burden, you don’t have to do it alone. I can’t do anything for Charlie right now, my own brother, because he blames me just as much as you’re blaming yourself. And maybe he’s right, maybe I should’ve done my job and forced her to sit behind a desk and dealt with her anger instead of putting her in the line of fire like I did. But every day I have to make those choices, Abi. Every day I have the power to decide who lives and who dies and I never know what decision is going to be the one that pulls the trigger.” Don brushed the tears from her cheeks and smiled a little, sliding his fingers along her jaw to pull her face to his. “But at the end of the day I know that I need this, I need you, and I’ll never forgive myself for almost losing you so I could figure that out.”

Abi sighed, pressing her lips softly against his, letting him pull her into his lap so that her knees flanked his thighs, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as he held her.